youre lurking in front of me
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
