thus making me awesome and them whores
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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