Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
