The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
