I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
