Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
