I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
