did you get engaged???
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
