Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
