So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
