we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
