she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
