at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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