You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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