Hey man sorry I got all grabby
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
