It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
