Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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