Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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