If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
