Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
