I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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