i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
