i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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