so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
