I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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