i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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