I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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