You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
