i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
