Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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