I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
