I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
