She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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