Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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