this boner is exhausting
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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