omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How's work?
Spinning.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
