could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
