Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You can't motorboat a personality
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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