Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
