btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
