woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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