end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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