he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
