just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
