Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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