You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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