I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
