You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
