Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
