At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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