Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
