everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
