I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
