I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
