Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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