Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
