Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
