Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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