My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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