Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize