The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
