I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
