i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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