Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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