hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
