you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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