so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
