Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
