Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
