my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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