i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We were destined to go to rehab together
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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