Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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