lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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