all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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