new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
